Nigel Henson,

John Henry Steenhuizen (Leader of the Opposition Democratic Party) rose ponderously to his feet. To his left, and aligned for several rows were a rowdy bunch, dressed in red onesies, chanting, waving in unison and stamping their feet whilst punching the air with clenched fists and looking downright menacing. John Henry had just lunched, had finished his greens (as his mummy had told him he should); he stepped out to address the house.

An outburst of howls greeted his arrival at the podium. John Henry cleared his throat and eyed the notes in front of him. Tending to the rotund, and faultlessly attired in a fresh dark suit, he projected the air of an opposition political leader who was sane and sensible, rational and reasonable, calm and in command.

                “Madam Speaker, I wish the House a good afternoon. As you know, today marks….”

Jibes, protests, shouts, forearms bared, the red throng surged, as if to occupy the floor of the chamber. “Good luck in your Matric Exams!” was a common chant, all vent in the direction of John Henry. His face gained somewhat in colour. He had experienced a truncated academic career, for the demands of a full- time job, and a temporary lack of liquidity had forced his withdrawal from Higher Learning.

 “Our Commander -in -Chief, Julius Sello Malema has degreed in three disciplines, three, three, three “chant, chant, chant, “you have only Matric, given to you without being examined, by the white racist school you attended- matric – matric – matric, “chant, chant, chant,” you are not qualified to even address this House” mumpara- mumpara- mumpara”, chant chant, chant, “Get down from there, we do not want to listen to a white ignoramus. You need a degree to address this house!”

“Order in the House, order I say, Black Rod, there appears some disorder on the floor.”

More shouts, more waving of fists, more red arms raised in protest.  A tide of crimson moving down the benches, then a surge as the human wave spilled onto the floor of the chamber.

              “Fighters, forward”

               “Madam Speaker, I….”

               “Fighters forward, I say forward, this man has no right …”

               “On point of order, Madam….”  More scuffling, a stumble or two, red berets thrown in the air, swarthy men in white shirts moving to contain the red tide.

                A shout from a security man in a white shirt. “Basop, they are now coming from die ander kant” More shouts,” get around there and block die kant pad”

              “ORDER, ORDER” Madam speaker belted out.

             “He called me a Kant” red rage at fever pitch “Point of order, Madam Speaker, point of order-I saw that man….” finger pointed, “Arrest him, there he is, –that man in the white shirt -he called me a swart Kant.”

              “I say really, I really say-we can’t have this, we really can’t” John Henry interjecting feebly, ‘Madam speaker “Don’t take kants with this mob. I am trying to address the house on a most serious matter. It rests before you on the order paper”

           “I am the speaker of this house…how dare you lecture me…you have such a cheek instructing me that you demand we kant have this and we kant have that. Show some manners, Hon. Steenhuizen, I would expect better from you.”

              “Fighters, forward, forward fighters, there is no order or respect in this house. Take down these imperialistic pigs, we demand radical economic transformation.” More surging, grappling, a red spray from the nasal passages of a boiler suited lady, gushing over the white shirted security chappie, fists now flailing, fighters falling, two white shirts out cold on the chamber floor”

             “ Give them the skerp kant of your elbows, in the face” Julius Sello Malema enjoying himself immensely for five fighters protected his person, “support your eie kant- attack fighters, advance”

          “Black Rod, clear the chamber, call the forces of law and order, security is overpowered…Black Rod, kant you hear me?” Desperation setting in as the Speaker stood up, as if to exit.

Black Rod had long departed

No sooner had Madam Speaker uttered those words than there was a wail of siren, a rush for the exits; for from all kants, there burst into the chamber men in tough camouflaged togs…. Batons flailing on red berets and slashing white shirts without discrimination Much grappling and bundling en masse through the chamber’s doors, and further grappling as fighter and foe were crammed into waiting paddy wagons.

 Things settled down

       “As I was saying, Madam Speaker, before being so rudely interrupted, a very good afternoon to the House.  I take it we are ready to proceed? John Henry had quickly regained his cool. Behind him, his party raised their heads above their parapets, and resumed their seats.

        “The Honourable Steenhuizen, please proceed”

        “Thank you, Madam Speaker. The issue before us is simple…. we really need to temper our behaviour in this house. What we witnessed earlier was most unseemly”

         “From my Kant, I agree Honourable Member, quite disturbing behaviour”

          “On point of order, Madam Speaker, might I be permitted to briefly interrupt the honourable member?” The President, Buffalo nose, ever so demurely seeking indulgence,

 John Henry smiled and nodded his assent.

            ‘Madam Speaker, I thank you. I have something to say in support of our Honourable Steenhuizen.”

Nods and smiles all around.

             “Madam speaker-what we have just witnessed is fokall…

I rest my case. Now-there’s a thing!

FROM SOUP TO NUTS – Available Now

Description
A lifetime in a book … from schooling in Rhodesia to fighting as the country’s longest serving Fire – Force Commander during the bush-war of the 1970’s
Nigel Henson was born in Bulawayo, Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) in 1946, and educated at Plumtree School. He was awarded the Sword of Honour at the School of Infantry and was commissioned into the Rhodesian Light Infantry, serving as a troop commander in the Bush War of the 1970s.He moved to the Middle East to join the Sultan of Oman’s Armed Forces as a company commander in Dhofar in1968/9 at the age of 21, before returning to the RLI as a training officer, rising to staff officer in army headquarters.
In May 1977, Major Nigel Henson took command of the Support Commando engaged in Fire-Force operations, most of which he commanded from the air and involved parachuting into Mozambique and Zambia.
In early 1980, Henson, along with other officers and soldiers, was decorated at Army Headquarters Salisbury after the Commonwealth Monitoring Force had arrived. Now retired, Nigel lives in Gauteng. He relishes his fly-fishing, his lovof fine whiskeys, and the occasional poor game of golf.

‘‘…Major Henson has acted as the airborne controller and has been subjected to considerable ground fire from the enemy. In spite of this, Major Henson’s tactical handling of his troops
on the ground, and his determined leadership have been of the highest order...’’ – Legion of Merit: Military” (OLM) awarded at Special Awards Ceremony: April 1980

source:A Question of ‘Kant’ – Africa Unauthorised